When I heard the word Parental Alienation for the first time, it was a blessing from the sky.
Because I was not alone anymore, somehow I became part of a tribe. Finally, it was so good to be in a crowd. Because for years, I felt alone. I thought that I was the only one in the Universe who was in the middle of something weird, psychopathic, and unreal. I felt that I did not belong in the story, but somehow I was one of its main characters. When I found out about parental alienation, my official title became “Target Parent”. Finally, I knew who I was.
I was a parent in trauma because I had lost my children in a toxic, high-conflict separation situation. I lost them not because I was a bad parent, a bad mum. I lost them because they were brainwashed against me by their dad, my ex-partner. I was utterly erased from their memory, emotions, and consequently, their life.
I was in a state of shock, disbelief, and horror. Because of the most precious beings on this planet, my children rejected me so brutally and violently. I was alive, breathing, but inside I was dead. Officially, that kind of state is called trauma. I know that now.
It took me a whole eternity to find out that I was not the only one on Earth suffering from the tragedy. I found that out by accident googling the phrase “psychological kidnapping of children “. And the whole world opened up to me—the World of Parental Alienation. I was no longer alone, I belonged to the tribe of the target parents, and I found myself comrades, fate’s friends of the same destiny. That was the first moment I started climbing the ladder from the tenth circle of living hell. I finally knew the name of my horror.
Even though I took every possible action through the institutions to return my kids to me, I was unsuccessful. To my surprise and horror, the system was not responding and not helping me at all. Being in a state of complete shock and trauma, I lost every possible battle even though I should have won them. Every single target parent understands that situation – when you know that you are the only sane person in the room, yet you are blamed for everything.
Despair, pain, sorrow, the total drain of the life force was the description of my life then. The trauma, stress, frustration, and disbelief emptied me so much that there was no single breath left in me. What is more, I could not have endured the enormous pain in my chest. I started to sink, going deeper and deeper. I was defeated. I was defeated so much that I did not see the way out. That night was the most difficult moment in my life. I had never experienced such agony. I had not believed that I could have borne that pain for any new second in my life. I was floating toward the edge of my balcony. I was horrified to the point that I did not know what was worse – to stay alive or to go over the edge where something horrible was lurking and waiting for me.
I survived that night solely because I was afraid of that darkness. That was what had stopped me from going over.
And I was afraid of who I have become. I did not recognize that woman, I did not recognize myself.
That was my cry for help to myself, first and foremost.
That night I promised myself to survive…and thrive…
Since then, I have started to climb my ladder, step by step, helping myself by reading the blogs of the experts and practitioners and target parents who were sharing their knowledge about parental alienation. I am especially grateful for the workshops of spiritual leaders in the field of quantum physics who were broadening my world in such a way that I see now my situation through a much broader picture.
With that came the relief that there is a much higher force than us, humans, who can help. And who I can count on to give me the necessary strength, wisdom, and endurance to lead my life. And something more important – faith. In situations of parental alienation, what matters the most is to have strength and faith that you survive whatever comes next. And that we can do whatever is necessary to go forward.
In that context, I have learned that my parental alienation situation came to me as a wake-up call. So that I put myself first and become responsible for choosing the better choices for my life. I am still learning how to set up healthy boundaries. I am also learning to take care of myself first, with self-love and self-care, so that I am well-nourished and that from that state of body and mind, I can give much more to others, taking into consideration my needs and the needs of others, foremost of my children. Parental alienation is hell on Earth. However, I choose to see it as Life’s lesson on how not to act towards life but embrace it to find the inner strength and wisdom I have never thought I would have. And to find the most profound love for myself and my dearest ones, the love I thought I would never discover in this life of mine.